Resolved.

i’m not one for Resolutions because they seem so contrived. Why do we wait until January 1st to make significant changes in our lives? The time for change is today. Be it January 3rd or November 13th (an arbitrary day) . With that being said, i’ve been integrating small changes into my life leading to today and going to continue to make changes.. and adjust as need be.

2011 is going continue to be making positive changes in my life. Extricate the negativity fro my life and stop allowing myself to spin in self destructive patterns. Say good riddance when need be, learn from my mistakes and implement changes.

Therefore, nothing is quantifiable.. but that doesn’t mean, i don’t try to go to bed a little earlier so that i can read/work on a crossword puzzle for a little more down time and to try and do something positive. i’m looking at the St Patty’s Day Dash and wanting to tackle that in a timed run… And find new balances in areas of my life that seemed off-kilter last year. There are things i can do better.

So i’m gonna do them better and make adjustments when necessary.

the real world

Compliments of  Gobbler Country. It is pretty accurate.

A Message For All Soon-to-Be Virginia Tech Graduates

by furrer4heisman on May 11, 2010 5:47 PM EDT

The Twitter is abuzz as Virginia Tech students take their last finals and prepare for commencement ceremonies this weekend. For those of you excited about leaving school and heading off into the real world, I have my own commencement address for you…

What the fuck are you doing?! Go back. Go back while you still can. Go back while you’re still young. Go to grad school, go to law school go to anything that ends with the word “school” and delays the inevitable for another two to three years.

The real world really sucks right now. Why on earth would you want to leave college and enter the work force right now, you fucking moron? Get your ass back to school and thank me later when you aren’t disgruntled and disaffected like I am.

Yes, studying, ass hole professors and 12-page research papers really suck. I get that. But believe me, student loan payments, car payments and mortgage payments suck a whole helluva lot more.

There’s no beer, no summer break and no uninhibited members of the opposite sex (Or same sex, who gives a shit? Whatever makes you happy.) in the real world. It’s a cold, dark, lonely place where you’ll have no money and no happiness.

Don’t think I don’t see you rolling your eyes at me right now. I did the same thing when my dad and every other adult I knew tried to give me this exact same advice. I scoffed and entered the real world thinking everything would be awesome. It wasn’t. It sucked an enormous dick.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. But if must leave school behind and trudge off into the abyss, I do have some advice for you dumb asses as well:

1. You’re only as old as you fuck.
2. Hobbies are cheaper than therapy.
3. Don’t get married until you find the job and/or city you really want.
4. That stripper is not “digging” you.
5. No, she’s not.
6. No matter how bad you think you have it, there’s someone out there who has it worse than you. Become friends with that person so they can make you feel better about your life on a daily basis.
7. Very, very few things are worth spending the extra money to get the better version. Two of them are mattresses and peanut butter.

Good luck, fuckers.

SnOMG!!! Snow in Seattle?!?!?

Well this is my second snowstorm in Seattle… and overall, i’m not sure it has gotten much better. Some snow removal techniques seemed to be better… but alas, the people, the institutions surrounding snow has, pardon the pun, melted down yet again. This snowstorm i was lucky enough to work for a company that i can walk to work to… so i didn’t have problems getting to and from work… other than some of the standard inconveniences of slick sidewalks (which are to be expected) and laughing at the dramatization of Seattle-ites – and then it got worse. 1st, the schools made the wise decision. The universities and companies slowly started to dismiss… but a lot of the dismissals didn’t start to happen until rush hour was underway. Having traffic and serious weather begin to happen at the same time became a recipe for disaster.

Seattle is full of hills, anything that comes down is WET. Below freezing temperatures + water = ice. Basic chemistry folks. However, inordinate amount of cars on the field, plows can’t get to the road. Nothing can get done.

Seriously, Seattle – just stop. Just close down. Admit you aren’t ready for the weather. The gridlock in a snowstorm is embarrassing. Watching a city so paralyzed for so little slow, is befuddling. National news can make fun of us. They kinda have the right. But i’m gonna choose to find it endearing. #snOMG

It Gets Better…

i’m not sure on if the suicide rate among gay kids who were bullied has increased recently but it is finally making press. i say finally, because looking the other way simply isn’t acceptable. It never should be.

The last few weeks, i’ve seen the groundswell of this campaign started by Capitol Hill resident, Dan Savage… and thank you to all the contributors. Thanks for providing easy accessible hope nationwide to kids who aren’t provided it elsewhere (that also makes me want to cry too) . My words can’t say enough to this project and how it makes me feel so i’ll just share…

The project: http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

The original write up: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=4940874

09.11.2001

So… as the 9th anniversary of Sept 11th descends upon us, i can’t resist a little reflection as well. First and foremost, before 9/11, i was on the fence. Democrat/Republican – still trying to determine spirituality at the time, but maintain a good front like i should, grieving a loss of my grandmother….

9.11 changed everything. i remember waiting with friends while they wondered where their friends and family were. i remember watching George Bush give his national address and yet, finding myself unconvinced and nervous. the months and year played out – convincing me i was right. that we were using the terrorism as a front to initiate wars that were planned well in advance waiting for the right opportunity.

All i know, 9.11 changed my career plans and i’m in a field i’m happy with, a location i never would have expected, and political affiliations and passions i never knew i had. Future years have only shown how unsafe the world around be is and there is no comfort in calling anything home. We are meant to be more unsettled and any sense of complacency will only mean the rug will be pulled out from under neath your feet.

Many years in a row, i play Ani Difranco’s “Self-Evident” – it seems to ring more and more accurate to me as each year unfolds. However, i find as time passes, i find the picture beyond George Bush and his failings. But the global implications still stand and the questions of Afghanistan, Israel, and Palestine still stand. So this year, i reread the words but i’l pass on listening. We need stronger global voices.

2 years, 22 days

That’s how long i’ve now lived in the state of Washington. What have i learned about WA?

• First and foremost, any kind of weather is a weather event. First day of rain, traffic is backed up. Sun? Yep, the glare causes a back up on the freeway. We count the number of days below 75 (and this year – it was 237 LONG cold days), number of days with cloud cover (this past July was the cloudiest in modern history), and everything in between.
• Year 2 brought new work. A new job that keeps me constantly engaged, learning and stretching and driven by a mission i can get behind. It has its drawbacks but it is a highlight of year 2 in the Pacific Northwest
• Apparently a new kind of sports fanaticism. Emerald City Supporters have continued to draw me into the world of soccer and keep me there. (i’m starting to look at my autumn and look out people, its gonna be insane! Compound one type of football with another! i. can’t. wait. for. college. football. My Saturdays look insane for the next 2 months.)
• My nerdom has reached new levels… including graphic novels and video games. (i’m not gonna lie, i thoroughly enjoy my Wii… even if i don’t play it nearly enough.)
• Communities. My first year here in Seattle, i feel as if i started dipping my toes in the very thought of community, started reaching out. The second year brought genuine involvement, friendships, and even the negative that may arise… but the feeling that i really am a part of something and i don’t.
• Closure and purging when need be.
• New beginnings. (The old proverb, door/window seems to apply here)
• Through every tear shed this year, there’s been a lining, something new and interesting waiting around the corner.

There are a lot of things i’m looking forward to in the next year to see how they shake out.  i am hoping for new adventures, more mischief and mayhem. i still have a list of things in WA/OR that has been left undone and i’m gonna try to tackle some of those items (Olympic National Rainforest, WA wine country, San Juan Islands, Crater Lake – to name a few)

And in remembrance of the 5th year of Hurricane Katrina, i’m gonna pull a phrase from New Orleanian culture…

Laissez les bon temps rouler!

“and i want to be someone who believes”

i avoid talking religion a lot, though it shaped many of my ethics/standards that i still carry today. i’m interested in religion. i’m interested in how it drives people to do what they feel is right (for good and for bad) – there are so many organizations that actually do good work because of their belief systems, i can’t ignore the motivation. i find myself being unable to be against it – so being a true atheist doesn’t work for me but nor does any faith system.

in the last couple days, i’ve run across several things that stand out. Anne Rice quits Christianity

“In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen.”

And laughing a little too much at the xkcd comic posted last night/today. i wish i could say i now feel superior to both fundamentalists and to atheists… but instead i respect their commitment to fully believe in something… one way or another. i didn’t care much for the book “Life of Pi” but i did find myself, several years later, still haunted by his disrespect for agnostics and their inability to make a decision – and wishing i could believe in something…

Play time

Last night, i attended a hands on self defense seminar. A first for me. i’ve attended class-based seminars, listened to umpteen lectures in the very western-biased Women’s Studies courses i’ve taken, worked for a nationally recognized expert in women and self defense – i book learned how to throw a punch to the face, but never tried (same goes for getting out of a situation in which you are pinned down, etc etc etc) After a certain series of events in my life this past spring and knowing where i live, i felt like i should.  it was empowering, exhilarating, and i revisited some of the violence i had faced without trembling in fear every time i think about it (which still happens)

This morning, i woke up sore. i had engaged muscles i forgot i had. i felt good. In some ways, in the same ways i used to feel good after a day of play. So every time my back is a little stiff, i felt strangely empowered. i remember regular weekends where being up to no good meant either walking for an hour, gossiping – attempting to jet ski (or get thrown off a jet ski), ice skate, hike in the middle of the night, play silly games (psychiatrist, mafia, big booty), pull pranks, and wake up scratched, sore, exhausted and happy. Once it got dark, it was shitty movies, video games, gossip and literally, a beer here and there interspersed. We also hit up playgrounds in the dark, did tricks on the monkey bars, jumped off swings and ran up slides.

Now, i’m the last one to be anti-alcohol. i love a good drink of all varieties. But i find my current social activities revolve around this very thing. i find myself in a pattern of just hanging out, if i’m lucky, playing video games or Apples to Apples, maybe having a drink too many etc – but missing some of the active play in my life. There’s a lot of fun stuff to do in Seattle, but i don’t know people (who are single or don’t mind a third/fourth wheel) who do these things. Even in a relationship, i never did these things. i carried the energy of play… but it was hard to maintain that momentum.

So, i guess i’m asking Seattle, who wants to go out and play? Weather is a non-issue. i have rain boots.

Tapped out

i don’t know it is the sheer volume of beer in my world as of late (brewery tours, Sounders games, etc), the chill of a Seattle summer that include long “days” but lack of harshness in the sun (when there is sun), long work hours, or just the social factors in my life. i’m emotionally tapped. If i strike you as silent or antisocial, it isn’t you. i am digging within to re-energize and recover.

Gentle to the soul

i’ve had a few songs on repeat this summer… songs that are gentle and kind to my soul, so i thought i’d share… they are comforting to me, lyrically and melodically. it may not be much to the music snobs out there, but its mine.

• Rainbow Connection – Kermit the Frog: only way this song should be done
  
• Silverado – Sarah Harmer: “who made these promises to raise the hopes of dopes like us, we should now by now that when it comes to dreams, we’re suckers still”
• Captive – Sarah Harmer: A great review of this song. Basically sums up my feelings. BTW – the new album, “Oh Little Fire” lives up to expectations. i’ll even forgive the Canadian accent.
• After the Storm – Mumford & Sons: Just beautiful “You must know life to see decay, but i won’t rot/i won’t rot/on this mind and on this heart”
  
• Tell Me There’s a Reason – Girlyman: no playlist is complete without them.
• Could’ve Guessed – Girlyman: “Haze of foggy nights, blaze of northern lights/Maybe everyone’s the same/With a heavy weight and a whispered face/And a long unspoken name”
• Romeo & Juliet – As covered by the Indigo Girls: “The dice was loaded from the start“
• Who Found Who’s Hair in Who’s Bed – Owen: When i’m hard on myself
• Wagon Wheel – Old Crow Medicine Show: For when i’m homesick
• Next Best Western – As covered by Lucy Wainwright Roche: For the wandering and a little despairing mood “I’m wretched/I am tired but the preacher is on fire/And I wish I could believe”
• From The Morning – Nick Drake: Spectacular, unfortunately also in a Sprint commercial. Blergh.
• Landslide – Dixie Chicks version: i have four different versions of this song – all just wonderful (Stevie Nicks, Billy Corgan, Tori Amos and Dixie Chicks) and a comfort when i’m sad. But i like the banjo. This one wins.